appease:: Archive

Holidays

There are no satisfactory replacements for my mom. I also think I have given up on searching. Every method of trying to reach her has been a disappointment. I’m getting my hopes up for nothing :/

Dec 20th

Vegas

You know how there are always those people with the crazy Vegas stories to tell? I think I can FINALLY relate. So much awesome I can’t look life the same way anymore

Dec 15th

Vietnamese Courses

I am always so fascinated by all the literature I’ve learned in regards to Vietnamese culture/history.. I cannot even begin to fathom what it must have been like to have been apart of or have lived during the time of this war.

Oct 1st

Boredom

It’s nice being back home for the weekend, but can I just say now that I already want to go back to LA?! I feel like while I’m here there are a million things I need to accomplish and get done. Work, work, work! Must do: Revamp resume and apply for Work Study position ASAP!

Sep 30th

Testing 1..2..3..

Currently at work, I have been asked to write an intern blog for our webpage. This project has already been relayed to the Corporate Marketing VP and just about everyone I’m working for in the Marketing department, so I’ve decided to brush up on my blogging skills. I don’t even know where I would begin. I hope my writing skills are still as good as I think they are. I used to...

Jul 29th

I want to go back to LA

Jun 29th

Pet Peeve #13324

I hate it when people continue texting me after I’ve already indicated that I am BUSY. For instance: Person: HEY BLAH BLAH BLAH Me: ohh I’m at work right now Person: OH? BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH? BLAH?

Jun 23rd

Work

Let me just sigh with relief at how happy I am at work right now. Finally getting to do what I REALLY want to do. Today’s task is to follow people on Twitter and begin tweeting for the company website. Ahh yes.

Jun 23rd

21st

holy fucking fuck. i have such good friends. i am so lucky. in case i forget how things went and how lucky i am, this is to remind me of what i’ve got! on my 21st birthday, kathryn surprised me with a cake while her family sang happy birthday to me. it was so sweet! given everything that happened the night before (thanks to jason) i really didnt expect it at all because it didnt feel like...

Jun 17th

I hate school

I hate school so much. I’d much rather work a 9-5 M-F than have to go to school for three hours T-TH. It just seems so pointless

Apr 27th

Dear Mom, I can’t believe it’s already been nine months. I’m sorry I don’t talk to you often but I don’t know how to reach you. Even if I did know how to reach you, I don’t know what’d I’d say besides the obvious. I miss you. I am everything I am because of you. I wish I could be just like you. I talk about you using present-tense verbs as if...

Apr 12th

Weird Fact of the Day

I have an obsession with sheets. High thread count, 100% cotton, Egyptian cotton or Pima cotton, you name it. I don’t think I could ever go back to buying polyester-cotton blend. It’s weird, I know but there’s a HUGE difference.

Mar 25th

the only direction is forward.

Mar 12th

Feb 17th

whooohoooo

I used to think that the boy in this picture was a real stickler, telling me that my behavior was too reckless for his taste. I also used to think that he was incapable of laughing or any form of revelry because he wouldn’t budge - no matter how hard I tried. He gave me such a hard time when I met him, criticizing me for this and for that, making me feel like I was such an idiot for spending...

Feb 16th

I have been avoiding this for the longest time, but I think it’s about time I see a therapist.

Feb 10th

It’s surprising to see how much of myself has changed since I last blogged on Tumblr. My “about me” section (written when I used to frequent this blog) sounds reasonably ambitious and goal-oriented - a part of me that has drifted off somewhere since coming to LA. Anyway, it’s a whole new year and I’ve abandoned Tumblr, but tonight too many things are keeping me up. ...

Jan 9th

Finally moved in to LA and transitioning is harder than I thought. It’s nice being able to see Jason as often as I do, but everything feels a little off balance. Not with us but just with everything in general. It’s like I’m waiting for reality to set in place. When is this supposed to be over?

Oct 10th

Wow

At this moment I can honestly say that I’ve never been more happy or more sure of you. I feel lucky to have you as my boyfriend.

Sep 16th

Peace

It’s almost my last week in Vietnam and while I’ve been here I’ve learned to be more at-peace with myself. Everything (at least I hope so) towards mom’s funeral arrangements are completed and there is nothing left to do but to move on. Hello to a new life and the things I have yet to discover on my own.

Sep 1st

I want to paint again

Aug 20th

One more month

I have learned that the longer I stay here, the less I can explore. There are so many adventures and opportunities that I’m missing out on, and I need to get away.

Aug 17th

Leaving

If there is one that that I have learned while living in San Jose for the last 20 years, it’s that there is no way that I can grow if I decide to stay here or even in California Goal: NYU or any other east coast school for grad school. Travel, explore, and experience the world by the time I’m 50.

Aug 11th

Reality

Today is my coworker’s 43rd wedding anniversary with her husband. I’m not even half as old as the number of years they’ve been together and I can barely comprehend being with anyone for that long. So my manager asks her, “In one word, how would you summarize your entire 43-year marriage?” and she answers “tumultuous,” before telling us about a fight she...

Aug 5th

EMCA

Aug 3rd

The End

When I die, I expect to have the answers to everything. I want to know the truth, and the reasons behind it all.

Aug 2nd

Maps: note to self (working progress)

I’ve been spending a lot of money lately, so to get myself on track I have made it a goal to save $1500 by the end of August. Yes, it’s reasonable and completely doable! 425+1425+109-100-168-55=1636 Give or take the (hopefully) little amount that I will be spending! I have also decided that i want to double major in English with a minor in Poli Sci (this is still a maybe). I want to...

Aug 2nd

Future

There are three things that I aspire to be when I’m older. The Three S’ that I came up with today: smart, sexy, successful. Once again, working here has allowed me to be in the presence of amazing individuals who have like-minded interests as mine but have already made so much for themselves. I’m esteemed and I’m dying to get out there.

Jul 31st

Never Trust Anyone

I’m scared because I think I put myself in a vulnerable position, and I don’t trust you enough to be put here.

Jul 31st

i hate myself for shopping right now. i hate meeeee

Jul 29th

Nauseous

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about you, and how you left, what your last days were like, and how I watched you leave. I get sick. I get sick when I think about the way you smell, how it changed, and how fragile you started to become. I get sick when I realize that you’re gone, that I can’t find you, that I can’t search for you. And I get sick when I know that I...

Jul 28th

Office Politics

After a few weeks of working in corporate America, here are some of the things that I have found while working: - Some people hate their jobs and constantly complain about how they need a vacation or need to retire. These are also the same people who feel that they deserve to be promoted or don’t get enough credit. Just shut up, and suck it up - please. - Most people here are incredibly...

Jul 24th

Searching

I am in the process of finding you, and in this process I’m trying to make myself a better person.

Jul 22nd

Finally

With all these annoying posts about Inception, I’m a little reluctant to blog about last night’s dream, but I know I’ll eventually forget it if I don’t. Last night before I went to sleep, I turned on my lamp because I was getting creeped out about the darkness. I kept hearing creaking noises around my room, but they didn’t stop when I turned on the light either. I...

Jul 20th

Mom →

Jul 14th

Cancer

I can’t believe you took her away from me

Jul 6th

whaat

12:46:30 AM): Sorry you broke my heart when you got with jason whaaat

Jul 3rd

The more you change, the less I am interested

Jul 3rd

Grades

Here is a random vent… Damn it!!! I have become that girl!! That girl who lets boys and their issues get in the way of their success!!! I can’t believe I got A minuses in M.C.!!! THAT IS TWO COURSES. TWO A MINUSES!!! DAMN IT. DAMN IT. STUPID BOYS.. SHOULDA STUDIED FOR THAT FINAL!! SHOUDA WOULDA COULDA It’s okay, my GPA didn’t go anywhere. :D

Jun 30th

I wish we were still that happy. Eventually I will have to let you go.

Jun 29th

I woke up this morning realizing that I have to deal with Jason the asshole in the mean time. I hate Jason the asshole.

Jun 27th

Everything will be okay.

I woke up this morning remembering that there are positive sides to everything. I realized that I have to let you go, that I can’t necessarily wait until your birthday to date anyone else. I realized that I can’t be with you - that wanting to be with you when you don’t feel the same is futile. Breaking up only means that we’ll be spending time away from each other before I...

Jun 26th

I don’t understand how this is supposed to make me happier.

Jun 26th

Accepting

I am trying to understand what you mean when you tell me that you love me, but at least now I know now that you’re still the same person.

Jun 25th

I love you

I’m sorry I never told you that

Jun 24th

Listen

Jun 24th

I am so drained

Jun 22nd

Girlfriends

Nothing makes me feel better after a horrible day of crying and stress than being with my girlfriends and having cute cupcakes. Ahh, how therapeutic. I need to pamper myself!!

Jun 20th

Today I decided to give up - entirely.

Jun 19th