January 2010
24 posts
:/
I am so disheartened.. I feel like just another number, and I don’t even have my best friend to talk to.. It grosses me out that you could have possibly had sex with this many girls. It’s disgusting and makes me wonder how “conservative” you really are. How could you possibly judge me and call me out for being a “party girl,” when you hardly know me. I guess I...
Time to Breathe
The UCs have emailed me back!!
Dear Christine, Yes, you are correct. Your AP exam credit shows in your self-report. We have added your AP credits to your total and your unit total is fine. Thank you.
—-
WIN! TIME TO CELEBRATE!
:X
We have decided on 6 months.. or was it 1 year??
Anyway, all I could think was, “DAMN IT. I’LL BUY YOU 2 CUPS OF STARBUCKS”
But then I did not say this.
I guess that is not so bad. Must.. act.. cool.. 6 months is doable, right? Definitely.
-_-
Time to Hyperventilate !
Today I got an email from Cal telling me that I won’t have enough units to transfer by the end of spring quarter. However, I actually DO have enough units to transfer because they forgot to count the credits I’ve earned from my AP tests. I hope the other UCs don’t get this wrong either…
THIS MESSAGE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME FOR A GOOD.. IDK.. ENTIRE DAY?
ALSO, THE REST...
Note To Self
WHEN YOU ARE ON YOUR PERIOD, BECAREFUL OF THE THINGS YOU DO OR SAY.
Yikes.
Dear Mom,
I know you aren’t gone yet, but I already feel empty.
Love,
Your Daughter
Research
It is 4:44 am and I cannot sleep. I’ve been doing research and after some browsing, I have learned that Patrick Swayze was also diagnosed and treated at Stanford Hospital as well.
My mom has the same doctor as he did, and they are currently setting up a Pancreatic Cancer Center in his name. Patrick Swayze survived 20 months after his diagnosis and died at the age of 57.
I don’t know how I feel...
Random thought #64678
Jason’s ex’s name is Christine. Rei’s alias is Jason. Oh the irony.. LOLOL fml??
The End
I think I can safely say that life has never been harder for me than at this point. Never. I feel like giving up.
My mom is going to die, my dad is taking anxiety medication, and eventually my dad is going to be alone. What’s the point of trying to succeed anymore? I work hard for a better future - to support myself and eventually give back to my parents. Who do I give to now?
The end.
On...
I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T
Do you know what that mean?
Today, my parents called me independent. It’s about time they noticed. My life is complete. :)
New Project
I’ve been feeling quite creative lately. Some days I feel like painting for hours straight — painting anything, whether it be canvas, plaster, or wood, it doesn’t matter. Today I woke up and remembered the purple Zara dress I got over the summer. It’s been sitting in the bag ever since I brought it home because I had every intention of returning it, but that’s what happens when certain stores...
Random Post #90340
Every girl dreams of receiving that little teal box with the white bow tied over it.
Tiffany & Co — what a classic.
Relief
The week has finally come to an end, and it has been hectic to say the least. Academically, there isn’t much to engage myself in (yet). Week 3 is approaching and I still haven’t had any important papers/exams due. The doctor says that my mom’s new chemotherapy treatment is working for her and that her tumor has shrunk. I’ve been building up all my stress in anticipation for...
Random thought #94234
I can’t keep up with this! My life is complicated as it is. NO BOYS, DAMN IT. NO BOYS!! >:[
Everyday
My typical routine now looks something like this: wake up (in the morning feeling like P Diddy, lawl) before my alarm rings, watch the same repetitive VH1 music videos, get ready for school, say bye to my parents, go to school
[Insert school activities here]
Go home, take a nap with mom, eat a family dinner, watch the food network with mom, and then watch a family movie.
The rare moments that I...
The longer I am here, the more I feel like I’m not reaching my full potential. Going to De Anza and seeing the losers that I know from high school is just another reminder that I ended up where they did. I don’t want to be there.
I can do better than this. My ambitions are high.
As Simple As
Here’s what I hate. I hate it when people make things more complicated than they need to be. Life is simple, people just make it complicated. So this is why I hate girls who talk endlessly about nothing. The ones who bitch endlessly about nonsense and other people. Boys can be like this too. Grow up.
There is only one thing that I can fully emphasize, and that is;
Life is short, spend it...
Rethinking
So after years of dreaming to attend UCLA, I have finally decided that if I am accepted to Cal, I’m going to go to Cal. :(
Yes, I know. I guess we’ll just have to let fate decide, but at this moment I really need to be home. I have priorities to attend to and I can’t miss out on them just because of college. Sigh**
I understand that I sound greedy right now - as if I have...
Time Travel
I wish I could time travel like the guy in Time Traveler’s Wife. I would go back in time, meet my mom again, be a better daughter, take back all the times I gave her a hard time, and remember not to take her for granted. I would make sure I REALLY knew my mom’s character and who she was inside and out. I’d change the things that went wrong - the little things, etc. because the situation that we...
One Time Only
I just realized something.
Everyday from this point on will be the only day my mom will live through.
Does that make sense? She will never get to see a 01/04/2011 and so forth.
What if Dec 1, 2009 was the last time she got to celebrate her birthday?
Hope
Me: she has less time than i thought
Me: and i'm scared
Jonas: Oh
Jonas: :(
Jonas: How did it get lesser
Me: i don't know how it got lesser, but the last chemo treatment we use did not work on her
so they switched and the doctor says that with the one she's on now if it's effective, she has 1 year, if it's not, she has 6 months
Jonas: Theres nothing I can say that would..I dont know
Jonas: How do you prepare for someone to die?
Me: i dont' know :(
Me: but it makes me very sad
Me: i don't know
Me: i don't know at all i'm not ready to handle it
Jonas: I dont think anyone would be ready for it
Me: dude, i can't even fathom the idea
Jonas: It is inconceivable
Me: like right now
Me: i know she's still here, i want to do everything in my power to be with her, but she's asleep
Me: it's like, i wish i could change the conventional
Me: like, if she didn't have to go to sleep
Me: i would spend time with her
Jonas: :(
Me: i wish i could take her out, have her enjoy things, but she's sick so she has to stay home
Me: you know, people are normally sad over things that have just happened
Me: i'm sad over something that's going to happen, something that is inevitable at the moment
Me: it's like i feel the need to change it, physically do something about it
Me: and by doing nothing i feel like i'm not doing enough
Jonas: I cant possibly understand this feeling
Me: i know
Me: i just thought i'd tell you
Me: i don't know who else to tell this to
Me: you're my bff for a reason
Jonas: Yeah I know
Jonas: Man..
Me: thanks for listening to me
Jonas: Anytime
Jonas: At all
Me: i know you don't have much to say and i understand
Me: but it really helps
Jonas: 24/7 unless im in class
Time
I wish I could stop time. I wish I could be with you longer, I wish I could reverse the effects.
I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could perform miracles. I wish I could change it.
Words can’t even begin to describe how this feels. At all.