appease:

It’s surprising to see how much of myself has changed since I last blogged on Tumblr. My “about me” section (written when I used to frequent this blog) sounds reasonably ambitious and goal-oriented - a part of me that has drifted off somewhere since coming to LA.

Anyway, it’s a whole new year and I’ve abandoned Tumblr, but tonight too many things are keeping me up.

Recently, someone I know (knew?) passed away.  Before 2010, the concept of death seemed like such a distant, this-type-of-stuff-doesn’t-happen-to-me idea until it DID happen… And of all people it happened to the person closest to me. It has been a mental struggle since, but I do what I can to suppress it.

But this isn’t about that.

I find myself going to John’s Facebook everyday, wishing I got to know him better -even if we were distant “friends.” I click “see friendship” and all I see are short, simple messages like “happy birthday,” etc and I regret it. I regret not talking to him in-person more, I regret not getting to know him more, but my attitude has always been this “people come and go” -type attitude that I figured he was just another one of those people that you meet through mutual friends and don’t really talk to. We share one close friend, and the more we talk about him, the more I feel as if I’m at a loss. I wish I had more words to describe him, rather than just saying “he was really nice.”

I’m sorry. Rest in Peace, John C.